TwoLeg Time!
by Wolfstorm7
Summary: Magic in ThunderClan turns them all into TwoLegs, and they decide to go for a stroll in town. So, what happens? Fights, parties, police, Mousefur's a kleptomaniac, Graystripe's a loony, and Hollyleaf is back and out for "revenge"! -Discontinued-
1. Chapter 1

Hello! Everyone's read a fic where humans turn to Clan cats, right? Well, what if Clan cats turned to people?! With a little magic, that happens. This is set in the time after Sunrise... The first two chapters won't be that funny, but also the only ones that stay with the real story's characters. After that, I just had fun!

This is kinda just an intro chapter. It's short, but the other chapters are long...

* * *

Two small shapes crashed through the undergrowth. They lifted their noses and continued to follow the trail they had found, a smell of an animal neither had scented before.

"Be quiet! I think I hear something ahead," the fluffy one squeaked. They poked their heads through the undergrowth and blinked in the bright sunshine. When their eyes cleared, they spotted their prey. It was a TwoLeg. The white kit shrank in fright, while the gray one looked amazed.

"It's so wonderful," She squealed, "It's so great! Look, Ivykit, it's a TwoLeg! I've never seen one before!"

"It's so big…" whispered Ivykit as she pressed close to her sister.

"I'd be so cool to be a TwoLeg, don't you think? I wish _we_ were TwoLegs."

"I wouldn't want to be a TwoLeg," Ivykit replied, "That'd be scary. You shouldn't wish for things like that, Dovekit."

"I was just kidding, mousebrain! It's not if it will come true this very second. Let's go tell Birchfall that we found a TwoLeg in our territory. Then maybe we can help drive it out!"

The two kits made their back to the camp, where they found the ThunderClan calling their names anxiously.

"Where in StarClan have you been?" Whitewing asked, relieved, "We were looking all over for you!" Dovekit piped up;

"We found a TwoLeg in our territory!" The clan fell silent, remembering what happened last time, in their old home, when TwoLegs came.

"It was probably just lost," Firestar meowed quietly, then, with more conviction, he yowled, "Don't worry, it was just lost!" The last thing they needed now was more trouble, after bad secrets had come out and hurt his clan.

But that night, as he curled up in his den, he couldn't help thinking. "All we need is a break," he whispered to himself, "I wish we could have a vacation, just have a little fun. _I know_ we need to rebuild the clan, but we can't do that with so many worries on our minds," Firestar didn't know that he wasn't the only one awake, so late in the night. He didn't know that there was one set of little ears listening in on his wishes.

* * *

Please tell me what you thought! Review! _Thunder's Story_ fans, I'm also working on this now so my chapters might come less often, Ok? :)


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to iSeEsTaRs14123 for reviewing! This isn't a very funny chapter, but be patient, better is coming... WARNING: many POVs!

* * *

Icepaw yawned and stretched. She loved being the first cat up in the morning, when everything was soft and quiet, and the misty air was warmed by the rising sun. This morning, though, something was VERY wrong. Why was she so close to the bramble roof? Did the den collapse in the night? It was touching her face… And all her senses were dull; was she sick? She couldn't even hear Foxpaw snoring (and he snored very loudly) beside her very well, and she couldn't smell anything but herself. She was sort of cold, but it was New-leaf, so why wouldn't her fur keep her warm? She also couldn't feel her tail. Had she slept on it? She shifted and glanced down at herself, then shrieked so loud she woke almost the whole clan.

"I'm a TwoLeg!"

* * *

Foxpaw blinked open his eyes blearily when he heard the piercing screech.

"Wha-what's going on?"

His voice sounded strange. He spoke the words, but the sound that came out of his mouth was a different language. Somehow he understood what he was saying, like he had forgotten how to ride his bike, and then suddenly remembered. _Wait a minute… what's a bike?_ The thought had just popped into his head, but he didn't know what it was. Anyway, something didn't feel right. Just like Icepaw, he noticed the changes right away, but he was more worried about his sister.

"Icepaw?! What's wrong? What's happening?" He peered out of the broken den and saw a young TwoLeg dressed in white pelts jumping around, as if it didn't know how to walk.

"Foxpaw, help me!" it yelled.

"Icepaw???"

Firestar couldn't see anything. _I'm dead! NOOO!_ Suddenly liquid started flowing out of his eyes. _And my eyeballs are bleeding!_ He crawled forwards and his head burst out of his den. _Oh, never mind._

* * *

Lionblaze woke immediately when he heard the noise.

"What's going on?! Is someone attacking? Let me at 'em!" He burst out of the warrior's den, which was a mess. It was completely overflowing with…_TwoLegs_?! Then he looked at himself and fainted.

* * *

Graystripe was drowning. The river sucked him under, and a silver cat looked down on him from above the water, but he couldn't make out who it was from under the surface. He bumped his head on the rocks on the bottom of the river. _Help me! I can't breathe! I can't breathe… I can't breathe…_ Graystripe burst from the water, gasping. He broke free from his nightmare and stared at his saviors. He had been drowning under the rest of the warriors, now that they were much too big for the den. He accepted silently what had happened. Two TwoLegs stood over him, one dressed in white pelts, and one dressed in … pelts. Something looked strange about that color, the color red, but he didn't know what it was. It looked _new_ and different. Then more new, brighter colors burst into his head, accompanied by some music.

"Music is wonderful! Colors are wonderful!" He burst into song, "Red and orange, green and blue, shiny purple, yellow too…"

* * *

A TwoLeg child who looked about seven years old held his mother's hand tightly as they watched another TwoLeg dressed in gray stumble around, happily singing and laughing.

"Millie?" asked Bumblekit, "Is Graystripe going crazy?"

"Yes…"

* * *

ThunderClan had trouble walking, but that was the least of their problems.

"Why did this happen?" wondered Leafpool, "StarClan gave no sign… maybe it was because of what happened, the secrets that we kept."

"Quit trying to know everything," Berrynose snapped, "You're not the medicine cat anymore, so StarClan wouldn't even speak to you anyway. Wait, that gives me an idea. Let's go ask Jayfeather what happened!" A bunch of cat-people went over to what they thought to be the medicine cat's den. The quarry looked very different from a tall point of view, and it was hard to keep upright with only two legs and no tail for balance. They staggered around like drunks.

Jayfeather was still asleep, undisturbed by the noise. He awoke to darkness, as usual. This time, something was different. He couldn't sense anything! He first thought he was dead, but put that idea aside since this was _not_ what StarClan was like. He was unable to find his way out of the cramped den without his trusty senses of smell, hearing, and touch.

"Where are my whiskers?! Arghh! What happened to me?"

"I guess he didn't get a sign from StarClan," whispered Sandstorm to the others. Then louder, she called, "Jayfeather! We all turned into TwoLegs! We'll try to come get you out of there."

"I'm fine!" snapped Jayfeather from inside the tangle of branches, "I can do it without your help. Wait a minute…what did you say? We turned into TwoLegs?" He became quiet as he inspected himself.

"What's a _minute_?" whispered Poppyfrost to Cinderheart.

"I don't really know, but something seems to tell me that it's a short measurement of time TwoLegs use."

"Jayfeather, we need you to revive the cats - um… TwoLegs…um…well, whatever - the cats who fainted," said Brambleclaw.

"Just wait!" Jayfeather said irritably. He mumbled to himself, "Which one is poppy? This one? YUCK!" Barfing sounds are heard, and all the cats cringe. "Nope…that's yarrow… Ah ha! Here we go! Thank StarClan." He broke out of the den a few moments later, looking very scratched up and holding a pile of herbs. "Poppy seeds," he stated. Toadkit (who looked ten years old) burst out,

"Poppy seeds are used for shock, right?"

"Right," Jayfeather sighed. Toadkit jumped up and down with excitement.

* * *

"I wish I knew what was going on!" yelled Dustpelt from the center of camp. Suddenly, his head was flooded with knowledge. He knew what had just happened. He was about to share it, but something stopped him. An evil little thought entered his mind... he decided that he could keep it to himself… maybe he could use this to his advantage… heh heh heh…

* * *

Somewhere far away, past the hills where Leafpool had run away with Crowfeather, a black cat slept in her cave. She felt herself change. She liked it. She liked it a lot.

"With my TwoLeg super powers," screamed Hollyleaf at the rising sun, hands raised high and drool dripping from her lips, "I shall kill all of ThunderClan, then all of the other cats around, then all of the animals, and then I shall rule the WORLD!!!"

"Good luck with _that_," said the rising sun.

* * *

Oh no! What will happen _next_? Don't forget to review! (And R&R my other story!)


	3. Chapter 3

The chapters are getting funnier and funnier... don't worry. I did mark this as humor... I can be super funny if I feel like it, but when I wrote this I wasn't in the right mood. Here we go!

* * *

Firestar called a clan meeting. He hefted himself up the rocks yelled. He was a man in his early sixties with flaming orange hair and red clothing. He had a big nose, which he was prodding to see if it still worked.

"Great Grandpa? What are you doing?" Ivykit looked up at Firestar, who was busy digging his finger in his nose. She looked much to young to be speaking for a human, but these were cat humans, and had already learned to speak.

"I'm picking my nose," Firestar said irritably. He pulled his finger out and shooed her away. "I wish you wouln't be so nosy." Immediately Ivykit's nose shrank a little, but Firestar didn't notice. He was to busy chortling over his accidental pun.

"Nosy, get it! And I was picking my nose!" He stopped laughing, looked around, and took TwoLeg count. Numbers and counting were whole new things the cats had discovered, and they liked them very much.

"Let's see…thirty-four cats. I mean TwoLegs. No, that's not right. It should be humans; people," He didn't know why he had thought that, but it seemed correct. "Anyway, three are missing!" Firestar yelled to the crowd.

"You forgot 'bout me!" yelled a voice from inside the wreckage of the elder's den. It was Purdy. He came slowly out, a slightly flabby elderly man with a red nose. "How could you forget about an old cat like me? By the way.."

"Plus Purdy," Firestar broke in, "Sorry, but I think next time you should come out when I call. OK, so that makes thirty-five people. Two people are missing. Does anyone know who?"

"I do!" exclaimed Purdy, "Mousefur. I didn't see her anywhere. That's what I was trying to tell you."

"Has anyone seen Brightheart?" said Cloudtail at the same time.

"Well, that sums up who we're missing. Brambleclaw, you go lead a patrol to find Mousefur, and Cloudtail, you can go gather together some cats and find Brightheart."

The two patrols set out and one came back soon after. Brightheart's search party came back, and Brightheart had a very interesting story to tell:

* * *

Brightheart had been restless. She couldn't sleep in the night, and woke again and again. Finally she had decided to hunt a little bit, to tire herself out so she could sleep later. She had slunk past the sleepy guards and gone far from camp. She had spotted a night-bird. Crouching, she prepared to leap. Then the bird had heard the rustling as she shifted her weight, and had taken off. Brightheart had leaped into the air, but she soared right past the bird. She had flown higher and higher, but at the same time, her feet hit the ground. What's happening? She had thought vaguely before she closed her eyes and blacked out. She awoke in the morning, her head slightly swimming. She was very surprised at the transformation, and immediately had wondered what she looked like, if her face was still ugly. She had walked to find a puddle to see herself in, and then had gotten lost. Everything looked very different from up above, so the territory looked sort of like a whole new world. She tried as hard as she could to find her way back, and found a small trail that she followed until she met the patrol.

* * *

Mousefur was still missing. Her patrol came back at sunhigh without her. By this time, ThunderClan was hungry.

"How do we catch food?" Rosekit asked.

"Well, _I _think that, since we are bigger than the cats in other clans, we should go over there, find their camps, and just take things from their fresh-kill pile," Thornclaw said.

Firestar heard and was outraged.

"Even though we are humans now, we still have to obey the warrior code! We are going to go into town, like real TwoLegs, and get some people-food, whatever they eat."

"What about Mousefur?" asked Purdy.

"She'll be fine. We are only going to be gone for a little bit, and we probably will meet her on the way. Let's get going"

Graystripe was still singing loudly.

"Shut up!" yelled everyone as they made their way out of camp.

Firestar was right. Mousefur could defiantly take care of herself, and they would meet her, but not in the way they expected.

* * *

Mousefur woke up early in the morning, and silently realized what happened. She was very excited, for she had always wanted to have some magic in her life. Her first thought: _Well, since I am a TwoLeg, I need some TwoLeg things. I am going to go find some_. She strode out of camp on her new feet. She was stronger as a human then as a cat, but even when she was feline she was strong, since she had been a warrior, not a queen.

She walked along until she had crossed what had looked like WindClan's territory. Then Mousefur spotted the TwoLegs walking on a path in towards the Horseplace. Two of them, probably mates. Mousefur ran and hid behind a tree, and a little tune popped into her head.

* * *

Robert thought he saw something in the woods. It was a figure darting from tree to tree, as if they thought they were invisible. "Stay here," he told his girlfriend, Jenny, "I'm going to go see who's following us."

"Oooh," she teased, "are you going to protect me?"

They laughed, and Robert walked into the trees. He strode confidently to the tree where he could see the person. He was positive they were harmless, because their figure was small and frail. He walked behind the tree as an open hand came shooting out. It cuffed him in the nose, very hard, and he fell to the ground and to find himself facing an elderly woman. She was humming an annoying theme song from some adventure movie. "Look, I'm not gonna to hurt you," he mumbled thickly, grasping in one hand his bruised nose, the other searching on the ground, like it had a mind of its own, scuffling around for a weapon. He glanced up just as a tree branch swung around to meet his skull. All was black.

* * *

Mousefur grinned. A new feeling that stretched her face, but it felt good. She had knocked out the two people very easily. The first had gone down, and the other had come searching. She had turned out their _pockets_, another new word, and had found a whole jumble of items. She had found a wallet, full of funny-smelling green herbs and a shiny, hard leaf that reflected sparkling pictures. The female had a black handbag that was full of makeup, and another wallet. The wallets tasted _so good_, but Mousefur didn't know what to do with the makeup. She drew lots of dots on her face with the red stuff in a fat stick, and plastered pink powder in her hair. Then she drew black lines on her forehead with the thin stick.

She made her way slowly through the trees, looking for more people to attack. It was fun! Soon she heard a large group. What were they doing so far into the forest? She followed them for a while, wheezing and stopping for short breaks. All this physical exertion was hard on her old frame. Footsteps came her way, and she lay down behind a rotting log. Three people came into the clearing; two males and a female. Strangely enough, they looked familiar. One male was tall, with dark brown hair. Another had hair in two parts; half was white, the other half gray. The female had the same coloration but was smaller. Well, soon they would be lying on the ground unconscious, and she would get some more _yummy wallets_! She had to have another… she just _had_ to.

* * *

Far away a human dressed in raggady black pelts, and long, wild, messy black hair made her way down to the ThunderClan camp. Hollyleaf found it;

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

_Thud_

"…Ow."

* * *

Sorry Firestar lovers! He'll be really idiotic in the next few chapters! Now, who are these three people coming towards Mousefur? Will she get more wallets? Why is Graystripe acting strangely? Why are strange magical occurrences happening whenever someone wishes? How will they get food? And, most importantly, will Hollyleaf ever get _revenge_? You'll have to wait and see! Reviewers get a doll of Firestar picking his nose, or a doll of Mousefur covered with "war paint".


	4. Chapter 4

It's short. Just read and review!

* * *

Firestar had sent Brambleclaw, Mousewhisker, and Hazeltail to fall back and find out who was following ThunderClan. They trudged through the trees and came into the clearing where they could hear someone harshly breathing. Brambleclaw's eyes drifted to the rotting log at the edge of the clearing. He walked slowly, silently, to it. Crouching, he slowly peered over it, ready to jump over and fight the follower. Just then, a wild head popped up and gave an ear-splitting shriek. The face was covered in colors and designs, the eyes bugged out, and the mouth opened wide. The effect was scary. Brambleclaw let out a frightened scream and scrambled away as fast as he could.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Mousewhisker and Hazeltail, joining in his frenzied flight, also screamed, even though they had no idea what was happening. They raced back to the group like they were crazy people, their hands waving high over their heads. Mousefur chased them, yelling "Indian style" (yelling while slapping hand in front of mouth, in case you didn't know) and waving a club-like stick. The rest of the Clan heard the noise, and ran to help. Mousefur, seeing a crowd, quickly decided that she should run away, fast. They didn't let her.

"Brambleclaw!" Firestar yelled, "Stop beeing such a baby and go tackle zee leetle TwoLeg!"

"Okie dokie!" said Brambleclaw, wondering why Firestar was talking like an idiot._  
_

Three things struck Mousefur at the same time; Brambleclaw, _Brambleclaw?, and "Wait a second, that's only two things..."  
_

"Wait!" she screamed, "I'm Mousefur! Let go of me, you ninny!"

"Huh? Mousefur?" He helped her up. "I didn't know; I'm sorry."

"Of course you didn't know," Mousefur snapped. "But, by the way," she told the clan, "Look what I found."

She showed them the green herbs, and the shiny, flat, circular stones.

"Oooooooooooohhhhhhh" everybody said.

Millie breathed out. "I think I know what those are for! They must be very valuable, because my HouseFolk… TwoLegs could get food with them."

"Foooooooooooooooood," everybody said.

"I've seen _those_ before," said Purdy, "The stones are called coins. Well, I don't think _they're_ very special, because I saw lots of coins lying on the Thunderpath, or in an UpWalker's den. Never saw any leaf-herb thingies, come to think about it."

Leafpool licked a green herb.

"It doesn't taste like anything!" she exclaimed.

Meanwhile, Foxpaw had snatched the little blue thing with the white strings. He absentmindedly stuck the strings in his ears, flicked on the switch, hunched his back, put his hands in his pockets, and walked off, listening to his new iPod.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Whitewing to Sandstorm, both who had been watching his strange antics.

"He's now a _teenager_," she whispered ominously. (Start playing evil music)

* * *

A strange looking human staggered to her feet.

"That… hurt…" Hollyleaf gasped before she fainted.

* * *

I need ideas... I'm writing chapter six right now, but any ideas of more chaos they could create in town? Please review! I actually spent _time _writing this...


	5. Chapter 5

I'm so sorry I haven't updated in more than a week-ish! I was on vacation... thank you very much to _Jayfeather Fan19, Silverpebble, Efinity, Dwia_ and _Avagrl-kataang-lova _and special thanks to _-Love is forever Aggee-_ and _Mysticbreez_ for reviewing TWICE! It's awesome if you read the story and review, but it's even cooler if you read the story, review, come back, read, and review again! Yes, Foxpaw is a TEENAGER. I love all the ideas that you gave me! I'll try to put them in somehow...

* * *

A wild black-haired young woman stepped weakly out of the camp, wiping blood from her lips. Squirrels didn't taste nearly as good as a human, but she was hungry. she was also hungry for revenge. Looking at the ground, she saw a long line leading into the forest. Almost three dozen feet kicking up leaves and bushbacking through shrubs showed a great deal.

"I will find them. I _will_!"

* * *

ThunderClan finally got to the center of town, drawing stares because of the strange group they made. They walked through the town, staring wide-eyed up at all the new things. They sat at the edges of streets, waiting for the "monsters" to pass. Then they ran across the middle of the street as fast as they could. Cars honked and screeched to a stop. They stayed away from shop doors, but the shop windows weren't smudge-free for long. Pretty much every single cat-human managed to press their nose on the window of a butcher at once. The butcher looked up (confused at the sudden absence of sunlight on a clear day) saw all the faces, and slid beneath his counter. The city park was wide and open and full of trees, so ThunderClan made a beeline for it. Once there, it was impossible to keep track of everyone.

"Longtail, Purdy, look," said Mousefur, "Sunningrocks!"

"I can't look," sighed Longtail, "I'm BLIND."

"Don't be a wise tom," snapped Mousefur as they lay down to rest on some flat rocks in the middle of the park.

They normal people nearby walked away quickly.

The clan dispersed until only Firestar, Sandstorm, Graystripe, Millie + kits, and Mousewhisker remained. They talked for a little bit, (Except for Graystripe, who was swirling and talking to himself about preety colors…) then realized that they needed some food. Then, they immediately forgot they needed food because a man dressed up as an orange lobster just happened to be flying by in an open topped airplane doing loop-dee-loops. They all stared and thought for a while.

"That just confirmed that TwoLegs are insane," said Sandstorm.

Firestar looked around, trying to recognize all the cat-people. It was sort of easy to tell who was in ThunderClan, because they wore pretty much monochromatic clothes in earthy tones. He spotted Brambleclaw, Thornclaw, and Brakenfur watching a strange game where people kicked a round, spotted animal. _What a waste of good prey! _The queens were sitting under a big tree, nursing the kits. This drew odd stares from normal human passersby. One random little kid's mother glanced around and asked if this was some sort of twin's convention.

The elders were sleeping, and most of the other warriors were milling around with awed expressions on their faces. Some of the young warriors were daring each other to climb up a short tree. Foxpaw the "teenager" slouched against a tree, tuning out the world. Icepaw was watching Toadkit and Rosekit ganging up on a little squirrel, trying to catch some lunch. Firestar laughed, because it seemed that they were having a very hard time. _But we do need food, _he thought to himself.

"It'll take forever to round everyone up," complained Firestar, picking his nose again, "Mousewhisker, can you go see what the clan is doing and get everyone over here?" Mousewhisker returned soon after, with a group tagging behind him. Icepaw, Toadkit and Rosekit were excitedly whispering about something. Firestar could see something squirming in Rosekit's hands.

"We caught the squirrel!" she exclaimed loudly.

"Great!" yelled Brambleclaw, "Now we have to kill it!" He took the cute little _biting_ squirrel into his hands. He didn't seem to notice that it was gnawing on his finger. He pinced it's neck, but that didn't work. He grabbed it by the tail and swung it around his head, but it just became dizzy. Finnally, he tried to shove the squirrel into his mouth and bite it's neck. That didn't quite work.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! EH OT MUH TUMG!!!"

"What's that, Brambleclaw?" asked Jayfeather, "I can't hear you that well."

"EEEEEEEEEE!!! GEH EH OUF!!! EEEEEEE!! AHHHH!!!" The squirrel was hanging from his mouth. It had bitten his tongue and wasn't letting go.

"Run to the pond and stick your head in," advised Poppyfrost calmly as the other cat-humans stared in horror. Brambleclaw practically dove into the pond, but it did no good. He emerged dripping wet, but the squirrel was not letting go. Squirrelflight ran over and started pulling on the squirrel's body.

"AAAHH!!! MUH TUNG!!! YURH GONHA WIP ET OUF!!! OWW!!!" But Squirrelflight persisted, and the little squirrel suddenly decided that he was in terrible danger and let go. He dropped to the ground and ran off.

"There goes lunch," Squirrelflight said sadly.

"Youh wowied bout fhood? Wha bout mah tung?" Bramble said, letting his tongue hang out. It had deep bite-marks in it. No one paid any attention to him. They were staring at the hot-dog stand with mesmerized expressions.

They made their way over to the hot dog stand. Before they got there, Poppyfrost stated something quietly.

"We're missing Lionblaze."

Everybody looked around.

"There he is!" shouted Toadkit. He had spotted the handsome golden haired young man flirting with a group of giggling girls under a wide oak tree. They watched as the girls, laughing up a storm, grabbed Lionblaze's arm and started to drag him off. (To the closest pub, but the cats didn't know that part.)

"Oh my Star Clan!" yelled Squirrelflight, "My baby! They're kidnapping him!"

"_My_ baby!" yelled Leafpool, "They're kidnapping him!"

"My baby!" yelled Heathertail from somewhere on WindClan territory, "They're kidnapping him!"

"My baby!" yelled Firestar, caught up in the moment and joining in. Everybody went quiet and stared at him. "Er… my baby!" He grabbed Sandstorm and started making out with her. (He had seen this while staring into a TV in the display window of an appliance shop.)

"Uuuh… Firehsthar?" (The tongue was still out.)

"What, Brambleclaw? I'm a little busy…"

"Pehapths nous ist not the tem. Yurh glanson ist getin tidnapeped!"

Firestar dropped Sandstorm, who looked like she had been enjoying herself, and looked around.

"Where is he? We must rescue him at once!"

They all pointed towards the swinging pub door.

"Ah ha!" shouted Squirrelflight. Just then, a park man came over.

"Keep it down a little," he warned, "Not too loud…"

Brightheart grabbed the guy around the neck.

"Are you involved in the kidnapping of Lionblaze?" she demanded. "Tell me or I'll bite your tail off!"

The guy looked at her as if she had gone insane… Cloudtail stepped behind her and showed him his hand. He tried to unsheathe his claws, but realized that he didn't have any. Cloudtail buried his head in his hands and started sobbing.

"…Tail?... Lionfaze?... KIDNAPPING?" He tried to squirm out of Brightheart's grasp. "No! I didn't do anything, but there's been a kidnapping? What happened? Who?"

"My son," said Leafpool solemnly.

"My 'son'," said Squirrelflight solemnly.

"Mah 'sun'," said Brambleclaw solemnly.

The poor confused park guy looked at them.

"Are you…" he started.

"And my grandson!" Firestar added, "And that's the most important one because I'm the most important cat in the whole wide world!"

"No, _I_ am!" shouted Berrynose.

"A B C D E F G, H I J K, L M N O P!" sang Graystripe.

The park guy lost it.

"Police! Police! HELP ME! POLICE!" Brightheart clapped a hand over his mouth.

"Do you want people to _hear_ you?" she whispered. The guy looked at her as if she had asked him if he wanted to stick a plastic flamingo up his nose. Then he slowly nodded. "I didn't think so," Brightheart said, since she had no idea what a nod meant. "So you have to be quiet."

But it was too late. The remaining people in the park had called the police, and the sirens wailed. The cats knew this wasn't a good sign.

"Head for the hills!" shouted Firestar while picking his nose again. He thought it gave a good leadership impression.

Brightheart grabbed the park guy's feet, Ferncloud grabbed his hands, and as they were about to toss him into the park pond, Mousefur dug into his pocket and got his wallet. She gave him a punch in the face for good luck, and _then_ they tossed him in the pond.

The sirens wailed louder as the cops drew closer. (Makes sense, right?) Everybody was screaming and running in circles. Graystripe was patting his head and rubbing his tummy, oblivious to the chaos around him. Just then Firestar realized that there weren't any hills to run to.

"What are we gonna do?" cried Jayfeather dramatically.

"What we always do when the going gets tough," replied Firestar.

"Fight?" asked Thornclaw eagerly.

"No…"

"What, then?"

"Hmmm… I don't remember." Firestar pulled out his Leadership for Dummies. "Ah _ha_! When the going gets tough you should…"

* * *

Muhahaha! You don't know because it's a _cliffie_! What do _you_ think they should do? (Oh, _StarClan_, I sound like one of those counseling tapes; "What is the 'right' decision?") Anyway, Review! How can I make it better? More chaotic ideas? And I have another question: Which character/characters should I have steal a monster? (That means car, duh...) Who would be the most likely to do that?


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you to Avagrl-kaatang-lova for reviewing! By the way, I live in the US, so I don't know anything about England towns. Deal with it.

* * *

"_What are we gonna do?" cried Jayfeather dramatically._

"_What we always do when the going gets tough," replied Firestar._

"_Fight?" asked Thornclaw eagerly._

"_No…"_

"_What, then?"_

"_Hmmm… I don't remember." Firestar pulled out his __Leadership for Dummies__. "Ah ha! When the going gets tough you should…"_

* * *

"What?" asked all the cats.

"… I still don't know. The next page is _ripped out_." Squirrelflight had a coughing fit. She didn't want anyone to know about her secret origami paper crane collection, _epically_ Firestar.

"Well, toss that," said Firestar, slapping his book shut. Berrynose eagerly grabbed the book and tossed it into the pond.

"What the Dark Forest did you do that for?!?" Firestar shrieked, sticking his finger up his nose again.

"You told me to toss it."

"I didn't mean literally! Whatever shall I do without it?"

"Well," Sandstorm said, "You have me!"

A sly grin spread over Firestar's face. Then he started making out with her again.

"No!" She pushed him away and rolled her eyes. "I mean, I'm the genius one in our couple, not you. I'm the brains, and you're the… the… um…"

"Nose?" suggested Sorreltail.

"Exactly," Sandstorm said, grinning at her old apprentice.

"**You are under arrest**!" a loud voice said. Police officers had surrounded them.

"Who said that?" Daisy yelled.

"It's StarClan!" Jayfeather whispered, falling to his knees, "We must give thanks!"

"No, you nincompoop!" Firestar said, "That's a TwoLeg!" Jayfeather burst out crying and ran to Squirrelflight.

"Grandpa called me a nincompoop!" But since he was blind, he accidentally ran over and hugged a police officer. She beat him over the heat with her club. He collapsed.

Firestar shrugged his shoulders.

"What the heck. Go ahead and attack them."

"Yes!" yelled Thornclaw triumphantly, thrusting his fist into the air and accidentally punching Berrynose in the face. He didn't notice because he was busy picking his police officer victim.

They all started screaming and attacking the police officers. They didn't even have time to draw their guns before they were knocked out. Pretty soon they had all ten of them lined up. Birchfall decided that he would organize them by hair color and size, so that kept him occupied while everyone else waded through the pond searching for the book. They had realized that as people they didn't have to afraid of water. Plus, the pond was only one foot deep.

* * *

"Why don't you come in?" Whitewing asked Birchfall, "The water's lovely." She dipped their daughter's toes in the water. Truth was, Birchfall was terrified of water since his scary plunge into the ocean.

"I'm good organizing the bodies!"

"I wish that he liked water a little more," Whitewing whispered to the daughter balancing on her knee.

Suddenly, Birchfall jumped up, stared at the pond as if he had never seen it before, and ran straight into it.

"I love water!" he hollered, splashing like a madman.

Whitewing looked confused. What had just happened?

No one else noticed.

* * *

Leafpool was busy studying the funny herbs. Dustpelt came over. With shifty eyes.

"You know," he said in a low voice to her, "I could tell you what these are if you give me some of them…"

"Sure!" Leafpool handed him a large handful of green paper.

"…Wonderful…" he drooled, "No I will tell you."

"Sure!" Leafpool said cheerfully, wondering why the heck he kept looking back and forth.

"Come closer," he said. She obeyed. "It's money!"

She raised one eyebrow, something new and exciting. She tried the other eyebrow, and that was even cooler! Soon she was wiggling both with a gleeful expression.

"Are you going to stop doing eyebrow acrobatics and ask me what money is?" Dustpelt interrupted her.

"How would _you_ know? You're an idiot."

Dustpelt didn't even realize what she had just said.

"You can get food with it," he told her slowly. "See the numbers?"

She nodded. Then she suddenly burst out, "Lionblaze! Where is he?"

Dustpelt muttered something about women, listening and chainsaws, and walked away with his money.

* * *

In the confusion, everyone had forgotten that Lionblaze had been kidnapped.

"Single file! Single file!" shouted Firestar. Everyone got into rows of two.

"No, you idiots," yelled Sandstorm from beside her husband. "That's two lines!"

They got into one line and marched towards the pub. It was very late, and when the pushed open the pub door it wasn't that crowded. There were just enough seats for almost the whole Clan. The guy at the door stopped Whitewing and the kids, and the apprentices from coming in.

"You wait outside," he declared. "Too young to come in here."

They sat on the bench across the way. Foxpaw sat on the very edge. Icepaw got up, glared at Whitewing, and went across the street to drool over new fashions. Whitewing groaned. _Not her, too!_

The rest of the Clan went into the bar.

* * *

Except for Cloudtail. And his one-eyed wife.

"What are we doing?" hissed Brightheart, catching up with him as they walked away from the rest of the cat-humans.

"Relax, baby." He strode towards a police squad car. "I want to take a peek into the monster."

He looked into the windows and hummed to himself.

Brightheart looked in also. "Wow!"

She felt the door hinges on the passenger side, trying to open it up. Her hand slid over the handle and she pulled experimentally. It opened, and she grinned like a maniac.

"I want to get in first," Cloudtail whined, but she had dove into the car.

"Hmm… I wonder what these buttons do?"

"Move over, beautiful." He shoved her into the driver's side of the car. As she fell forwards, she grabbed onto the keys in the ignition for support. They turned, and the car came to life. Brightheart gripped the steering wheel, and put her legs forwards. One foot hit the gas pedal, and they were off.

Cloudtail slammed the door closed. Brightheart experimented with the wheel. She drove into the middle of the park at extremely high speeds. Spinning the wheel, the car did turns and dug up the grass. A woman and a couple of kids sitting on a bench stared.

After Brightheart got control, she drove right through the pond to get out of the park. Cloudtail whooped and stuck his hand out the window to catch the spray. Then he found some police hats and they put them on. They turned onto a road. Brightheart started going faster and faster, as there were no other cars on the road to stop them. It was midnight, and the road was empty except for one figure.

Dressed all in black, they didn't see her in the dark.

"Brightheart! WATCH OUT!"

Bump. _Screech!_

"Ooh. That gotta hurt."

"Is that lady OK?"

"I dono, Brighty, I hope."

"She's lying on the ground."

"Whatever. I want some food."

"How about that place that smells like fried food?"

"Fine… 'McDonalds', here we come."

* * *

Hollyleaf groaned.

The moment she walked into town, a wild police car managed to run her over. The woman driving only had one eye. Brightheart? Whatever. She was too tired and hurt to use her amazing brain.

At least she was alive. How _did_ she survive that? She dragged herself off the road. She was so tired. Crawling into a hotel, she stuck a long sharpened fingernail almost into the hotel guy's throat. He hadn't even seen her until she popped up in front of his desk.

"I'm tired. Give me a nest."

He tried to get away, but she wouldn't let go. Finally he passed her some keys to her with trembling hands.

"Here," he croaked. "A room."

She grinned._ This_ was the way to get whatever she wanted. But the man might fight…or call for others. Picking up a chair, she bonked him on the head and dragged him into her new room. Then she shut the door and locked it.

* * *

:::::What will happen? What is Dustpelt going to use all that money for? Will Cloudtail and Brightheart get some chicken? What will happen in the pub? Will the forces of teendom suck Icepaw in too? And... will Hollyleaf ever get 'revenge'?


	7. Chapter 7

I would like to say a word about disclaimers. Obviously I don't own Warriors or I would be Vicky, Kate, Cherith, or Tui. And I'm not. That wouldn't be good if the authors were busy on FanFiction when they should be writing books for us. And if I owned Warriors, the books would be a lot different.

But, it can be fun explaining why you don't have a disclaimer.

For example:

-My disclaimer was eaten by a hungry Hollyleaf.

-I had something saying "I don't own Warriors", but Cloudtail found a stick of dynamite… and had a little fun with it.

-Brightheart ran over my disclaimer with a police car.

Anyway, here we go! I was tired while writing this chapter, and I'm a lot more into my other story, so if you want to read some "better" writing, read Thunder's Story. But if you are looking for humor, stick with this.

* * *

They sent Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw to go find Lionblaze. They thought that it might help their broken relationship…

Dustpelt walked up to the bar and sat down.

"I'll pay for everyone," he said, pulling a credit card out of his pocket. He had snatched it from a police officer. He handed it to the bartender.

"How many?" he asked in a gruff voice.

The cat-people who wanted to have a drink raised their hands.

"Twenty-five."

"No, no. Only twenty-four," Dustpelt said while slamming Ferncloud's raised hand onto the countertop. The bartender looked at them strangely but took the money and went to get some beers and the food they ordered.

"What the heck?" Ferncloud said.

"You can't drink when you're pregnant."

"I can _drink_!"

"No you can't!"

"I've done it a million times before!"

Jayfeather snickered. "She's been pregnant that many times…"

Leafpool whacked him over the head with a rolled-up newspaper.

"You're not drinking anything, either, young man."

"What?" he whined.

"Medicine cats cannot drink," she said wisely.

They stared at her.

"It's part of the code."

Dustpelt had just explained that they weren't going to drink _water_, exactly.

"But it tastes much better," he commented with a grin.

Just then, Brambleclaw came back. He had a black eye.

"What happened to you?" asked the bartender, setting down their drinks.

"I got in a fight."

"No fights here- Out!"

"With my… girlfriend."

"Hmm… different circumstances. You can stay."

"Where is my daughter?" asked Firestar.

"She found Lionblaze," Brambleclaw said, pointing.

Lionblaze was sitting on a stool by himself, moaning and blubbering with a bottle clutched tight in his hand.

"What happened to you?" they all asked him.

He turned his unfocused eyes on them.

"Who…" he hiccupped, "Are you?"

"Dustpelt!" hissed Firestar. "You were going to feed us _poison_?"

"It's not poison!"

"Look what it did to Lionblaze!"

Lionblaze swayed as he told Mousewhisker his story.

"…I like one of those TwoLeg girls (hic) so I _licked_ her! (hic) But I think TwoLegs don't like that…"

Mousewhisker nodded sympathetically.

"… (hic)… and they went away. And that TwoLeg…" he pointed at the bartender, "He told me that I had to stay… here until I could _pay_ (hic)," Lionblaze slurred. "But I don't even know what _pay_ means!"

"Uhh… how many bottles have you had?" asked Dustpelt.

Lionblaze looked down. They followed his gaze. There were at least ten bottles under the counter, and Lionblaze had stacked them in a pyramid shape.

"Lionblaze, you don't look so good," Squirrelflight told him as he almost fell off his stool.

"… (hic)…" Then he threw up all over the counter, and zonked out. He fell down to the ground, but Poppyfrost was suddenly there and caught him. Well, actually, she caught his feet, so his head hit the ground anyway, but he was already sleep, so what did it matter?

"Aw… so sweet," said a bunch of random Warriors fans; Poppyfrost/Lionblaze fans sitting there, then wondered why the heck they had said that. It obviously couldn't be that those two people were people they knew…

Maybe it was greater forces at work!

"All hail StarClan!" they chanted as they walked out, and the actual Warrior cat-humans were stunned.

"How did they know about StarClan?" they wondered.

"It was a sign from StarClan," cried Jayfeather. "Telling us not to give up believing in them!"

Meanwhile, some of the younger warriors were having their first taste of alcohol…

* * *

Brightheart parked with a BANG in front of McDonalds, in the last spot. The bang was from running into a fireworks truck. The fireworks truck was parked next to an oil truck. The oil truck was parked next to a fire truck. The fire truck was parked next to a clown's car. The clown's car was parked next to an ice-cream truck.

Brightheart and Cloudtail got out of the police car and ran inside the McDonalds. They happily looked at a statue of Ronald, and sat on his lap. Only two truck drivers, a fireman, a clown, and an ice-cream man were getting food at such a late time. And one scrawny, tired, McDonalds worker with as many pimples as people in China. So no one paid much attention to a strong, white-haired man and a one-eyed woman. (Well, maybe they paid attention to the _woman_. They were all men. But not much to the other guy.)

Also, no one paid much attention to a single spark that fell from the collision to the ground next to the oil truck. A thin rope was hanging down from the truck. You see, the truck driver had _really_ long shoelaces (maybe 20 feet long each. He was insane. I wonder why they were letting him drive an oil truck.) and his extra pair of sneakers had gotten stuck in the door.

Unfortunately, that single spark lit onto the shoelace and a flame began running up it. To the oil-filled truck. Next to the fireworks truck. Next to a fire truck. Next to a clown's car (with polka-dots, if you care). Next to an ice-cream truck.

Oops.

* * *

Whitewing, Millie, and Daisy led the children to a shop. The sign read GAS and lots of numbers. (High ones…) They walked inside the convenience store and asked for some food.

"What, you think I'm just going to give you some for free?" asked a sleepy woman at the counter.

Daisy walked over to the snacks, pulled out a chip bag, and ate some. The woman was amazed.

"…Hey! What are you doing?"

Daisy handed Millie a rolling pin.

Millie looked at the rolling pin.

"What should I do with _this_?"

Daisy mimed thwacking someone on the head with it.

Millie still looked confused.

So Daisy walked to her, pulled the rolling pin out of her hands, and wacked the woman on the head with it.

"Oh," said Millie. Meanwhile, the apprentices were in fits of laughter at the whole scene. Whitewing gave them all food.

"Oh my StarClan, this is _delicious_!" Rosekit exclaimed, wolfing down a bag of chips. Everyone agreed.

"Incredible!"

"No way is this real!"

"Praise StarClan!"

"Much better than mice," Whitewing commented while she swallowed a Peanut Butter Cup, paper and all.

Then a grin spread across her face.

"What. Was. That?" she said slowly.

"What?" asked Daisy. But Whitewing already was scrambling for more candy. The other cats followed her lead and took some candy also.

Forty minutes later, the candy counter was empty.

But the mothers, kits, and apprentices were full.

And insanely hyper.

Oh dear.

* * *

Hollyleaf grinned at her pile of bodies. She had knocked out the doorman, the elevator man, the room service man, and a random guy who wolf whistled when she walked by. She had found that whistle offending.

Time to get revenge on ThunderClan.

She walked out of the door and felt something wet fall on her head.

She looked up and saw a pidgeon. In a hotel. It had just crapped on her head.

"Ew."

At this rate, she would _never_ get revenge!


	8. Chapter 8

I'm writing much shorter chapters because there are exactly eleven hours before school starts, and I'll be so much busier. Also, I'm really busy with Thunder's Story (Which I'm _also_ cutting down on words, so don't feel annoyed, TwoLeg Time fans). So, if I want to keep the same update schedule, I'm going to have to do less writing. In fact, this chapter will not have any scenes in the pub. Please review your feedback. Happy reading!

* * *

"Wahoo!" Rosekit zoomed around the parking lot, bouncing off cars and tripping over her own feet.

"I'm a little fish…" Daisy crossed her eyes, spread her fingers like fins around her head, sucked in her cheeks and did 'fish lips'. Then she went up to a person getting gas in their car and quickly stuck her head in the open window. "I'm a _fish_."

"Ahhhh!" The woman still sitting in the car lept out like her butt had caught fire and ran for her life to the store across the street.

Whitewing was trying to stand on her head, while Icepaw was doing cartwheels across the highway. (Thank goodness it was the middle of the night.) Foxpaw was sitting, unnoticed to the driver getting gas, on top of the roof of his car.

Toadkit was slurping up every single soda in the vending machine.

Millie was dancing in a wild ring with Bumblekit, Brairkit, and Blossomkit. Then they lept into the air and lay back in the grass. The tar-covered grass next to the highway.

"Hey everybody!" Foxpaw yelled as the car started to pull away, "Let's ride _monsters_!"

The others watched, open-mouthed, as Foxpaw zoomed away from them. Then they swung up like monkeys onto cars parked around, screaming and laughing. Soon, those cars drove off too, the drivers not noticing the extra weight or the dark figure crouched upon their roofs. Millie hugged her children tight as they struggled to hold on top the top of a minivan. Daisy and Toadkit laughed insanely as their hair was blown back, but soon the laughter died down. They were going faster and faster, and soon each cat-person would be thrown off by the force of the wind. In fact, Foxpaw was already holding on for his life to one of the windshield-wipers stuck in an 'up' position. With the other hand he knocked loudly on the roof of the car. But no one heard him… The driver was listening to music.

Foxpaw looked off to a road coming up close to him, going under the highway. It was going the paralleled direction and was road-block traffic. Bumper-tobumper cars stretched out, not moving. His only chance would to be jumping off the bridge as his car went over and hope he didn't go 'splat'. The other cats would have to follow his lead.

He tensed his muscles. Then he prepared to jump.

* * *

Cloudtail and Brightheart went up to the counter.

"We'd like one of everything, please."

"Uh," the kid said, "I don't know if that's allowed…"

They waved a few hundred-dollar bills in his face. He turned pale and nodded quickly. Then he scurried away to get their food.

Outside, the flame was halfway down the shoelace.

"Here's some of your food…" The kid came back with a tray and and passed a ton of HappyMeals to them. Brightheart reached in, swallowed the burger, then played happily with the figure.

"I got a little china doll. Made in china out of plastic. What did you get?"

"Ironman figure," Cloudtail read off the package. "But I like your doll better. Do you want to trade?"

"Of course," she ed Ironman from him quickly and grinned in triumph. "Superheros are way better than barbies." She zoomed him around and attacked Cloudtail's face.

He fended off the attacks with his pretty little doll while stuuffing chiken nuggets into his face with the other hand. "It's not a Barbie," he said between gulps. "It's a chi…"

"KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!"

Something outside exploded with considerable force, blowing away half of the restaurant. (Luckily everyone was sitting away from there, and no one got hurt.) The truck drivers, the clown, the McDonalds kid, and fireman all looked at Cloudtail and Brightheart.

"We didn't do it!" Cloudtail said weakly as burning pieces of the oil truck landed near them. The roof had partly been blown off.

They could easily see outside. There was a big black spot where the oil truck had been.

"My… truck…" The driver whimpered. Then he started bawling.

"There, there." The clown patted his shoulder. The driver stopped crying and jumped away from him.

"I'm afraid of clowns! I knew this would be a bad day!"

Outside, a few sparks somehow ignited the fireworks truck. Everyone gulped, except for Cloudtail and Brightheart, who had no idea what was going to happen in a few seconds.

_Sizzle. . Booom!_ The fireworks went off and blasted the roof off of the truck. They flew into the sky and went off, spraying out in many bright colors.

"Oooh…" said Brightheart.

"Ahhh…" said Cloudtail.

"AHHHH!!!" screamed all the men, running around.

The fireman yelled, "Nobody panic! I'm a fireman, so I can fix this!"

He jumped in his truck. But, he didn't notice that two wheels were missing. It slowly… started… to… tip… with the added weight. He started screaming, but couldn't get out. He put a jacket around his head and waited for the truck to fall over.

It did, and fell on top of the clown car. The top of the clown car popped open like a Jack-In-In-Box and hundreds of inflated ballons fell out. The sirens in the police truck went off as the firetruck's ladder was flung onto it, crushing it.

The men and the cat-humans watched in complete silence. The fireman was still alive and hardly injured. The hose flung all over the place, but since it wasn't connected to a hydrant, didn't help put out the fire. Only the ice cream truck was intact.

"Well, at least my ice cream truck is fine," the ice cream guy said happily. Just then, it drove away. Two smiling faces were seen in the front window; one with just one eye, and one stuffing his face full of chicken.

"That's what you get for leaving your keys in the ignition." The clown told him.

"Go away. I'm afraid of clowns."

* * *

Hollyleaf stared at the sky. A plume of smoke could be seen in the early morning darkness, in addition to the bright, popping colors above the smoke and the small, colorful, floating pebbles flying into space. That was where she would go next. She was sure some cat-human was involved. She opened up a random car door, pulled the shocked person out, and hopped in. She drove quickly to the site of the fire.


	9. Chapter 9

I'm so sorry that I haven't updated this in ages! School and sports and my music and homework have been cluttering up my schedule so much I have had no time to write! Garh! Okay, thanks to all my very awesome reviewers, and to the new ones that couldn't review before cause I had the stupid thing tuned OFF! I'm such a mouse-brain! IDIOT! I was _wondering _why no anonymous people were reviewing...

Anyway, this chapter will only have the pub and Hollyleaf (like _always_). There are so many characters; I'm sorry if I don't get to your favorites or the most interesting plots quickly. I'm sort of overlapping the small groups' stories, if you know what I'm trying to say. This story is kinda confusing to me, because it has to stay constant with old chapters which I forgot...

I made this chappie very long so you wouldn't be mad at me. Also, it would be hard to split into two chapters... so this is a biggie!

So, since I'm not they most awesome writer in the world I need some tips on how to write action scenes and give a feeling of urgency. Somehow, as you've probably noticed already, my characters manage to get into funny discussion in the split second while they should be running or doing important things. Also, I manage to make really fast things really slow.

So... you must know what I'm hinting at... REVIEW! (please).

* * *

"Once upon a time," Firestar slurred, his nose as red as his fire-colored clothes and hair. He held up a beer bottle in salute to Graystripe, who was dreamily singing a Taco Bell commercial song. Firestar continued. "…There was a young cat. Pelt like (hic) a flame."

Graystripe held up his own bottle, then took a swig only to find it empty. He frowned and set it down. Then his face fell forwards and his eyes closed. Completely asleep.

"…The young cat loved another cat."

Sandstorm narrowed her eyes. Unlike her friends, she hadn't drunk anything at all.

"She was a beautiful cat…" At this Sandstorm visibly brightened. "…Very pretty… yes, very pretty _tortoiseshell_."

"What?!" Sandstorm yelled. She grabbed Firestar by the ear and preceded to drag him out of the bar into the early-morning sunrise. "_You, mister_, are coming with _me_!"

The remaining cats watched with blurry eyes. Then Mousefur raised her head.

"Hey, Wolfstorm7! Aren't you going to tell those readers what happened to all the other cats? Where did each one go? You haven't written in a long time-"

"I could have wrote this chapter faster!" Berrynose boasted.

Mousefur gave him a glare that would have made a circus strong-man quiver in fear. Unfortunately, Berrynose wasn't a circus-strong man. He was an annoying cat-human who had just interrupted the oldest cat in ThunderClan… He didn't quiver in fear. He screamed like a banshee and ran away as fast as his legs could take him.

"Anyway…" continued Mousefur, "Where did all the cats go?"

Wolfstorm7 sighed and took a deep breath. Then she gathered herself up and dove into the computer screen. She toppled into the bar and collapsed in a heap on the floor.

"Okay okay," Wolfstorm7 replied, drawing herself up. "I'm working on it! Be patient!"

"So..."

"...I haven't thought up ideas yet, okay! I'm sorry! My mind is BLANK and I'm not a good enough writer to write this story to its full potential. I feel dishonest with myself and sorry for readers who were expecting something better."

"Oh, stop being so hard on yourself. You are a perfectionist."

Mousefur rolled her eyes and got off her chair. Grabbing Longtail and Purdy, she hobbled outside. But not before opening the drawer behind the counter and pulling out everything in there, which consisted of four thousand dollars, a pencil, a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle, twelve more pencils, a large pair of smiley-face boxers that could fit ten people, another pencil, a hardback edition of Warriors; Into the Wild, an I-Spy book, and a picture of the bartender and his girlfriend at Disneyland.

"HEY! STOP RIGHT THERE!" the bartender roared, but something involuntarily caused a distraction.

Ferncloud moaned suddenly and clutched her stomach. Then she half-toppled off her stool, screaming.

"The kits are coming!" Jayfeather gasped. "Leafpool! Do something!"

"Oh, Crowfeather," Leafpool whispered, swaying on her seat. "What did I do wrong? I lost you. I loved you…"

"… Never mind."

The bartender was screaming and running in circles.

"Someone call an ambulance! She's having a baby!"

Of course, the only ones let in the bar were the cat-people. They had no idea how to use a phone. Actually, _one cat_ did.

Dustpelt snored away.

"Oh great," Wolfstorm7 moaned. "Someone slap him awake! We _need _him for this chapter!"

Jayfeather reached over and smacked Dustpelt. "Wake up! Your mate is having kits!"

"… Huh?" he snorted, bobbing his head up. "Wha' happening?"

"Someone call the ambulance!" The bartender screamed, tearing out his hair.

"Ferncloud. Is. Having. Kits." Jayfeather said slowly.

"…Oh."

"Oh?" Jayfeather asked, stunned. "_OH_?"

"…Who, again?"

"FERNCLOUD!"

"Oh."

"OH?" Jayfeather shook his head in disbelief.

"…Someone should just drive her to the hospital. Wait a second… Ferncloud? Ferncloud… OH! She's my mate! Those are _my_ kits! _Someone call 911_!"

Dustpelt jumped up. Then sat back down.

"Ooooh, my head hurts."

"Someone call an ambulance!" The bartender screamed.

"SHUT UP!" roared Jayfeather.

The bartender shut up.

"You don't need to call anyone," Wolfstorm7 commented. "Your ride is right out here."

She pointed outside. In the distance noises were heard, coming closer and closer. A mixed-up smorgasbord of police sirens, frightened screams, loud whoops, childish shrieks of excitement and delight, and… the_ ice cream truck song_?

"Everyone outside! Get out!" Wolfstorm7 herded the cat-people outside. Jayfeather and Mousewhisker carried Ferncloud out.

"Here it comes! Get ready!"

"Hey..." Unnoticed by anyone, Thornclaw reached down and picked up the Warriors; Into the Wild book that Mousefur had dropped accidentally. Graystripe (who had been woken up by the noise) and Brakenfur peeked over his shoulder. Thornclaw looked up and quicly stuffed the book into his shirt. Then he, Graystripe (who was still singing), and Brakenfur "causally" walked down the street to find a place to look at the treasure.

Most of the young warriors scuttled off to find something to do. The apprentices and queens were riding traffic, as you may recall, and I will get to them next chapter...

Sandstorm was seen in the distance digging a big hole in a patch of dirt. Actually, she was pushing dirt into a large hole. Firestar was nowhere to be seen...

Other cats milled off in groups, except for Dustpelt, Jayfeather, Ferncloud, Leafpool, and poor Wolfstorm7. They waited patiently as the ice cream truck sped along the road towards them.

"Who _are_ you?" Dustpelt asked Wolfstorm7.

"I'm the author. I'm not supposed to interfere directly with you. So shut up."

"_Why_?"

"Look. I _made_ a _mistake_ coming in here. It's just that Mousefur is one of my favorite characters and I was so excited when she spoke to me. But now I not sure I'll be able to get b- STOP!"

She jumped into the road, directly in the path of a speeding ice cream truck. It was followed by four police cars with their sirens blaring, and an excited group of little kids screaming and laughing and waving money.

The truck screeched to a halt.

"In! In! In!" Wolfstorm7 hurried Jayfeather, Ferncloud, Dustpelt, and Leafpool into the back. Then she did a little spastic dance while deciding whether to go with them or not.

"Jump in," Dustpelt called, who seemed to have taken a liking to the teen.

"Well, I made this mess. I might as well go along with it."

Luckily, the mob children prevented the police cars from coming right up close. There was enough time for Wolfstorm7 to hop in the ice cream truck and for it to escape, playing a merry tune.

Brightheart grinned and Cloudtail tipped his chauffeur's cap to his new passengers.

"Oh, StarClan. Where did you get that cap? I didn't write you with one," Wolfstorm groaned.

"I have… _'contacts_'."

"Mousefur, right?"

"How did you know?"

"She's the only one able to steal a hat off someone's head."

Fernclous was still moaning and groaning. It sort of blending in with the background noise.

"The kits are coming…" Jayfeather bit his lip. "Leafpool, a little help here?"

"Jayfeather, asking for help? I didn't write that either. Hmm…"

"Just shut up and get out the story!" Jayfeather snapped. "Shoo! Go away! We don't need you."

"That's more like Jayfeather!"

Jayfeather sighed. Then he smiled. "Hey! I think we're here!"

They all stared as the ice cream truck screeched to a halt in front of a big brown brick building.

"…How did you know that? You. Are. Blind."

"Maybe I made him see again by entering the story!" Wolfstorm7 moaned. "Oh, no. What did I do?"

"No, you idiot, I'm still blind."

"Great! Wait, I mean… not so great. But at least it's not my fault! Oh, whatever."

"I know because all the little kids stopped screaming."

"Oh, yes. Are they still following us?" Dustpelt asked while he stumbled from the truck and clutched his head. He put a hand out to take Ferncloud by the arm. She fell out of the truck promptly and knocked him to the ground.

"…Look for yourself." Brightheart pointed out the window. The children came into view, but they weren't so happy anymore. They quivered in fear.

"What's wrong, little kiddies?" Cloudtail shouted from the truck.

"Shots…" they moaned in synchronized zombie-like voices. "We don't like shots."

"A-ha," the cat-humans said as they bustled to the hospital entrance. Dustpelt looked into his own mind and magical knowledge to see what a shot was. It scarred him for life.

The police cars came around the corner also. Again, they couldn't get through because of the children. Cloudtail had an idea.

"Listen up," he whispered to the kids closest around him. "If you defend us from those scary guys in blue, we will give you those _cold sugar things_ for _free_… Now pass it on."

The word spread quickly. The police were just getting out of their cars, and the kids circled up.

The large cop nervously adjusted his hat. After the lunitics in the ice cream truck attacked a police force, stole a car, crashed the car, blew up a McDonals, tied his wife's pet duck to the roof of his Saint Bearnard's dog house and then fed it a kiwi full of pure sodium … wait a minute. That was someone else. He had never like the duck anyway, so that wasn't bad. Oh, and the explosion and fire had been _pink_ so it must have been potassium... Wait… so _where_ was he? What had he been saying? Oh, yes… They vandalized a bunch of other cars, blew up a McDonalds, wait, he already listed that… Oh, _whatever_! But now they had done something really weird to these children. That was the greatest offence of all.

He would have to get them. Then he could get a raise in salary, and then he would have more money, and then he would be able to spend his money on _donuts _instead of only on dish-washing detergent.

"Uh, Tim? What's going on?" he asked his friend.

"I don't know, Marty."

"Blood… blood…" the little kids moaned. They looked like vampires and zombies as they shuffled closer and closer.

"Blood… bloooood… ICE CREAM!" They laughed maniacally and ran to the police with possessed looks on their faces.

* * *

A young woman dressed all in black pulled up in her sleek car to the McDonalds. All she found was a pile of steaming rubble and a half-demolished building. A bunch of tape was everywhere and the balloons were still high in the sky. She parked her car very secretly behind a telephone pole so it couldn't be seen by the police. Then he shimmied around the blackened BigMacs splatting on the sidewalk and turned the corner of the building next to it.

And tripped head-over-heels over someone's large red shoes.

"Ahh!" Hollyleaf screamed. "I _hate you_!"

"Why does everyone _hate _me? They're all _afraid _of me… I should have become an accountant like my father wanted me to," the clown sobbed into his hands. He pulled out a large, rainbow-striped hankie from his breast pocket and blew his nose just like a horn.

Hollyleaf eyed him with distaste. She didn't like him already, but it came to her that he might be useful.

"I don't hate you. I'm not afraid. And I really need your help."

He looked up with bleary eyes. "How?" he croaked.

"Well, first I need to get some new clothes."

The clown's eyes lit up like Christmas lights. "Oh boy! I get to take some random hot lady shopping?"

"…Yes. And then I need your help with something else. Something more… dangerous…"

"What?" the clown asked with excitement, all signs of sadness gone.

"…I'll tell you later, okay?"

"That's fine. Oh boy, you are going to _love_ what I get you! But you're gonna pay, right? I'm not the richest guy in the world."

"No, it's fine. I have lots of money." She fingered a wad of bills in her pocket, remembering what they had been called. _Money_...

"Oh boy oh boy! This is gonna be great, darling! You are going to _love_ this! First, we'll go to Hollister. I shop there _all _the time. Then we'll have to get you a new haircut. I'm thinking something that says 'Look at me! I'm _hot_!' so probably blond would be best. And some purple makeup like in they do in Twilight to draw out your color and make you look like a hot vampire babe! Ooh, and skinny jeans would be perfect on you…"

Hollyleaf looked terrified. "Hollister? Blond? Purple? Vampire babes? Skinny jeans? What?!"

"No, no, don't worry," the clown said with a large red grin that scared Hollyleaf even more than his costume. "You'll be just _fine_…"


	10. Chapter 10

Okay. So sorry that I haven't updated this in three months. I've been so busy that it's not even funny. And I just got back from a three-week Christmas break vacation and now I have more time, since we have a long weekend! YAY! (Actually, to tell you the truth, I am quite fond of school...)

So I uploaded a new chapter to Thunder's Story, and now I've uploaded one here, and I hope to have a good schedule from now on, not letting you readers down when I say I'll update quickly...

If you are having trouble remembering what happened in earlier chapters because it's been a while, I'll help you:

ThunderClan was at the bar (except for the apprentices, queens, and kits, who were sugar-high and surfing cars on the highway) and then I jump through the screen to talk to Mousefur (but I then get stuck in this story. Don't worry, I'll be out by next chapter...) and she walks away. Ferncloud (who was the only queen to stay) starts to give birth in the bar so she, Dustpelt, Jayfeather, Leafpool and I jump into Cloudtail and Brightheart's stolen ice cream truck and drive to the hospital, where our story picks up. Also, we caught a glimpse at Hollyleaf's doings... She had just met a clown. But I'm getting ahead of myself, now aren't I?

PS, this may get confusing. Deal with it.

* * *

"Let me out!" Wolfstorm7 schreeched. "LET ME OUT!" She hammered on the imaginary wall that separated her from her computer desk.

"I think she's gone crazy," Brightheart announced loudly while dancing wildly to a rap song on the radio, on top of a waiting room chair.

"I wonder why?" Dustpelt wondered as he made extremely strange faces at one of the nurses.

"She didin't seem like the type to break easily," Cloudtail said. "In fact, it took much longer than I predicted."

"We've only been sitting here in this stupid room for SEVEN HOURS," Jayfeather groaned. "And Dustpelt?"

"Yes?"

"Stop hitting on the nurses while your wife is having a child."

"Let me out…" Wolfstorm7 whimpered. "I want to go home… They're insane…"

"Hey!" Leafpool told her, "_We're_ not the ones popping out of thin air and claiming to have written people's lives into existence!"

"And I'm not the one who pretended she had a _heart attack_ so she could take a nap on a hospital bed!"

"They found that out pretty quickly, though. And I was really tired…"

"That's because you drank so m-

_*crackle* zzzzzztzzzzzzzzzztzzzzzzzzz *crackle* tzzzzzzzzzz *beep* zzzzzz *CRACKLE* zzzz-!_

(loud announcing voice) **THIS PROGRAM HAS BEEN INTERUPTED FOR A SPECIAL NOTE FROM GOD.**

"What's going on?"

"Yellowfang, relax, it's just an announcement."

"But _we_ are _God_, Bluestar!"

"No, we're _StarClan_…"

"And to TwoLegs we are God…"

"Oh, right… Oakheart sweetie come over here and fix our set! We need to know if _we_ are supposed to be making a special note or not!"

"Coming darling! What do you want?"

"Fix our TV, Oakheart."

"Ok." (Fixing sounds) "All done."

_*spark* tzzz zzztzz BING_

StarClan was on the screen, and Yellowfang and Bluestar gaped as they saw themselves on the TV, watching the TV. In fact, it made one of those never-ending mirror effects.

Magically, when ThunderClan had been transformed into TwoLegs, a random pile of TwoLeg things had appeared in StarClan. It made sense, though, as there were mice and trees and other cat things, so if there were TwoLegs then there would be TwoLeg objects. The ancestors had quickly figured out had to use them and now were enjoying technilogical advances in the sky.

"I guess this means we should be announcing something…" Bluestar groaned.

"Quick! Let's make up a procephy!" Yellowfang meowed.

"About who? Or what?"

"How about some random cat who has no importance whatsoever?"

"Dovepaw?" Oakheart suggested.

"No, you thick-headed fool, she's the most important cat in the Clans right now!" Yellowfang hissed.

"Hmmm… What about Mousewhisker?" Bluestar offered.

"Good idea. Let's throw together a bunch of parts of ThunderClan names and get a prophecy like we usually do."

"Ok, how about- Oh my StarClan! The TV's still on! Everyone can see what's going on up here! Look!" Bluestar pointed her tail at the TV screen while the Bluestar on the screen did the same thing and they heard exclamations coming from the set like an echo of what she had just said.

"Oh. Better close that camera up," Yellowfang growled. "But don't turn it off, we'll be using it in a second again!"

Oakheart grabbed a leaf and proceeded to try and cover the camera. "…But it's not sticking!" he whined.

"Then make it stick idiot!" Yellowfang snarled.

"Be right back," he meowed, walked away, and popped a moment later from the bushes. "_Now_ it will work."

"Oh STARCLAN," Bluestar moaned as Oakheart made the screen go dark. "He _didn't_ just do what I think he did."

"Aren't you so proud of your mate?" Yellowfang laughed. "He poops on leaves."

"_Don't remind me_... Oakheart, we have no need for you anymore. Let us old ladies do the hard work. Go play with a stick over there with Mosskit."

"Yes darling." He padded away.

"Finally that fool of your mate has left us! Now… How about… We send an image of a _mouse_ (Mousewhisker) trapped in brambles (Brambleclaw), and then the mouse eats a hazel leaf (Hazeltail) and grows large and escapes!"

"We don't encourage CANNIBALISM in StarClan, Yellowfang!"

"Good point… But it's still a good story."

"True, true… What about 'The mouse will rule all!'"

"Or, 'The mouse will squash fire!'"

"With his huge butt!"

"And then ferns will grow over the brambles!"

"Sandstorms will destroy the earth!"

"Thorns will pierce leaves and make bright hearts!"

"What the Dark Forest is _that_ supposed to mean, Yellowfang?"

"I don't know, but it sounds kind of dirty and twisted. I like it, keep it in there."

"…So anyway, how about this:" Bluestar knocked the camera with a stick to get the leaf off, then she and Yellowfang sat in front and spat at the lens to get it clean. Then they sent messages to ThunderClan.

"**The mouse**," Bluestar called, "**Will sit on the roaring fire and sand will cover the dusty ashes, ferns will overtake brambles in growth, and… Er… thorns will pierce leaves and make bright hearts?**"

"Ooh, Bluestar, add an image too, it makes it so much prettier!"

"Fine." They added an image of a mouse sitting down on a fire and smothering it, then an image of a sand storm whipping over the dusty ashes of the fire, then of green ferns growing quickly over some old bramble bushes. But, little did they know, the connection was faulty and the picture never got to the Clans.

"How do I do the last part?" Bluestar whispered to Yellowfang.

"Leave that to me." She sat down and sent a strange image of thorns piercing a leaf, and then little smiley faces floating down from the holes.

"That was a very unpleasant picture, Yellowfang, and it made me wonder why I am still your friend when your mind is not stable."

"That's why you are still my friend. Because you're mind isn't stable either."

"Lovely. Let's shut this off so people can't hear our private conversations," Bluestar meowed. She reached up a paw and fumbled for a switch. The little light blinked off.

_*spark* zzztzz_

"That's better. Let's go join the others. I hear they got some fizzy drinks."

_*pawsteps away, then little, small pawsteps come closer, the grunting sounds of a little cat lifting a heavy object (such as a stick hinthint) and then a click*_

_*beep* ztttzzzztzzzzz *crackle*_

The picture comes into view again. Mosskit looked into the camera.

"Don't you want to see what my mom and dad and the other adult cats are doing? Having fun, most likely? Let's follow them!"

She rolled the camera over the bumpy grass and into the bushes with the help of Snowkit, Hollykit, and Larchkit. The other end poked into the clearing where some of the older cats were.

"Now we run away and watch it on the TV!" Mosskit told the others.

They ran.

Let's take a look with them, shall we?

"THIS SODA IS GOOD!" Lionheart roared.

"AMAZING!" agreed Tallstar.

"THE BEST!!!" yowled Silverstream.

They did a sycronised flip in mid-air and landed in a hige pile of empty soda cans.

"SUGAR sugar SUGAR sugar SUGAR sugar," Smallear, Speckletail, and Morningflower chanted.

"Wow. Look at them," commented Bluestar as she and Yellowfang walked by. They both sat down and started drinking soda by sticking a claw in a can and draining it from the hole.

After a few cans…

"SUGAR sugar SUGAR sugar SUGAR sugar SUGAR!"

"SHUT UP WILL YOU!" Yellowfang screeched. "I'M TRYING TO READ MY BOOK!"

"It's upside-down," Morningflower yowled at her, "And your paws are shaking you liar! Stop trying to ruin our fun just because you aren't capable of having any!"

"I can have fun too! Watch this!" Yellowfang pulled out a radio. "This is a good song and I'm gonna dance to it!"

She turned it on, and a song blasted. It was 'Blue' by Eiffel65. Yellowfang started to jump around, and Morningflower got a jealous look on her face.

"Let's keep chanting, shall we?"

"SUGAR sugar SUGAR sugar SUGAR sugar."

Now more cats were crowding around the dance clearing watching Yellowfang dance. "I challenge youuuuuuu Yellowfang," roared Bluestar, who was also sugar-high, "TO A _DANCE-OFF_!!!"

Mutterings broke out among the crowd.

"It's obvious Bluestar will win! I mean, she _is _blue!"

**(To anyone who does not know of the song, look up the lyrics… now. It might get confusing, but I had to add this part ****:D )**

Yellowfang roared "I agree! It's _ON_!"

Bluestar leapt down and started to break-dance while singing the lyrics as loud as her voice could take her. "I'M BLUE, da ba dee da ba die, da ba deeeee, da ba die!"

Yellowfang tried to match her. "I'm _blue_, da ba dee-"

"But you aren't blue!" Oakheart yowled.

"…I'm _gray_, da ba dee, da ba die…"

After that it just got chaotic. Cats flooded the dance clearing.

"I'm BLUE," Bluestar roared.

"Da ba dee, da ba DIE DIE DIE," Tigerstar sang from the Dark Forest while eyeballing them evilly.

"If I was greeeen, I would die!" Whitestorm sang.

"SUGAR sugar SUGAR sugar SUGAR sugar SUGAR sugar."

"Da ba dee, da ba die!"

"I'm in need of a guy, I'm in neeeeeed of a guy!" Bluestar accidentally sang in her hyper-ness.

"But she _has_ a guy!" Spottedleaf gasped.

"Well then she needs another one!" Yellowfang snarled.

"Whut?" Oakheart yawned. "Are you talking about me?"

They knocked him over the head and then turned back to see a surprising scene; Bluestar dancing very close with Crookedstar (as well as cats can dance as a couple, but you get my drift).

"It's a _scandal!_" Spottedleaf shrieked, whipping out her new camera. She was always looking for new stories and scandals in her 'StarClan Glamour – Behind the scenes in your favorite cat heaven! Ancestors without grooming! Feathertail's dilema – Will Crowfeather choose her? Ferncloud is pregnant once again!... But are they Dustpelt's? Dappletail's secret – Make toms fall for you…' Now she was just waiting for Honeyfern's new article; 'How to get losers to love you', Goldenflower's horoscopes, and Leopardfoot's quiz 'Is he too old for me?' and then Spottedleaf could send out her latest issue.

And now this scandal would be right on the cover!

"Oh my," Yellowfang growled. "This can't be good. Let's just hope Oakheart doesn't wake u-"

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" Oakheart snarled, launching himself into the air at the word 'up'.

"Oh great," Yellowfang snarled. Then she paused. "What's this?" She came closer to the camera. And closer… Oh, wow. She's pretty ugly.

"A SPY!" She almost fainted. "Turn this thing off!"

"Got it!" Lionheart roared. Tallstar and Silverstream climbed on top of the soda can pile and stood on each other's heads, while Lionheart spring-boarded off them and landed directly on the camera. "Score 1 for Lionheart!"

_*beep* zzzzztzzzzz *fizz* zzzzzzz_

-uch, Leafpoool," Wolfstorm7 sighed.

Jayfeather suddenly groaned and fell over off his chair.

"A message from StarClan!" Leafpool gasped. "He's getting a message!"

"No, you idiot," a nurse said, "He's having a seizure. Bring him away." A random cluster of enthusiastic young train-ie doctors and nurses loaded him onto a stretcher and rolled him away, Jayfeather twitching like a madman.

"Ok, so I guess that wasn't a sign from StarClan…" Leafpool said.

Just then, the soccer (UK = football) game on the television sparked out. Everyone gasped as they heard "THIS PROGRAM HAS BEEN INTERRUPTED FOR A SPECIAL NOTE FROM GOD."

Then they watched the entire episode of what happened up in StarClan that we got a sneak-preview of. Except for the fact that the waiting room was pretty noisy and so they couldn't hear Bluestar and Yellowfang making up the prophecy, and they barely heard the actual thing.

"Quick! Write this down!" Leafpool screamed to Dustpelt. He grabbed a notebook from some random lady's bag and scribbled down the prophecy.

**The mouse w****ill hit on the boring fire and sand-hill-clover, the rusty ashes, ferns will over-bake brambles in toast and… Her… worms will eat leaves and have bright farts?**"

"What the _Dark Forest_ does that mean?" all the human-cats shouted.

"Dustpelt, I think you copied that wrong," Leafpool muttered angrily.

"Does it really matter?" Dustpelt sighed. "At least I wrote it down."

"No we can try and figure it out," Brightheart said. "Let's see… Um… Ummm..."

* * *

"You're lookin' sooo hot!" The clown clapped his white-gloved hands. The woman, who had been described as wearing black and having a mess of black hair before… Could no longer fit that description.

Hollyleaf stared in utter shock at the reflection in the mirror.

"Almost like Total Makeover!" The clown told her happily. "Be glad I took a photo before and now we can take one after and have a _before and after_!"

"Be very glad I'm not ripping your throat out," Hollyleaf growled under her breath.

"Excuse me?"

"Be very glad I'm paying for this," she said loudly with a large fake smile.

Then she turned to the mirror again and continued to gape.

We'll start at the top to describe the picture. Platinum blond hair down to her shoulders, layered and what-else, with a bright blue-died streak underneath, so if she were to put her hair into a ponytail the blue streak would show on the bottom of her head like that white spot on a deer's butt. Lovely comparison, but it actually looked pretty cool.

She wore so much makeup that you could put your finger on her face and have to dig a long time before you could find skin. Also a lovely image, but it was true. Her eyes almost were at the emo-level of black liner (almost) and purple shadowed both like she was a crack addict. She was actually a beautiful woman under it all.

She had gotten two piercings in one ear, three piercings in the other, two eyebrow studs, a tongue piercing and a nose ring. It didn't hurt so much, on the account that Hollyleaf repeatedly had been crushed by rocks, hit by cars, and had many other much-more-painful occurrences in the last week or so. So obviously a few piercings didn't hurt.

She wore so many heavy necklaces she thought she would fall over (but most she had stolen from people). Her top was a bit more than inappropriate, a bit skimpy in some areas, and altogether _not_ something I will be describing right now.

Her jeans were tight-fitting and looked as if they had gone through a meat-grinder by the count of the shredded man-made holes. They descended down into high combat-boots, lace-up ones with steel toes (Hollyleaf had insisted on something that she could run and kick well in…) and it looked pretty good.

Think Laura Crauft genetically combined with a Bratz Doll. Lovely.

"Now," Hollyleaf murmured after she had finished admiring herself, "We have to execute my plan." She turned to the clown, who had bought himself a nice suit and tie and pair of dress shoes in size 13 mens. At least he had buzz-cut his hair (which was not a wig!), but it was still rainbow-striped (as it grew naturally that way). He was shorter than Hollyleaf, but in a way he was pretty handsome, once he had washed off all his face-paint. **(Whoa, **_**wait…**_** Forget I said that the clown was handsome, okay?)**

"So what's our plan?" he asked.

"_My_ plan."

"So what is _your_ plan?"

"We go to the hardware store."

"Why?"

"Because we need a chainsaw."

"I like the sound of that. Why do we need a chainsaw, my glamorous goddess?"

"_Don't_ call me that."

He ignored her and continued. "For some reason I doubt we will be cutting down a tree."

"We will be killing someone," Hollyleaf said as calmly as if she were stating the weather.

"But there are easier ways to kill someone!"

"But I like to kill _in style_," Hollyleaf whined.

"Can I first take you out to the movies? I'd like to get to know you before you land us in jail."

"If we _do_ land in jail, which I'm going to make sure we _won't_, it won't be _me_ landing us there."

"So is that a no?"

"YES IT'S A NO! I'm trying to kill someone and you want to go to the movies!"

"Just an idea…"

Hollyleaf sighed. "Let's go. We have a long to-do list."

The clown smiled again. "My father wanted me to be an accountant, I became a clown, and now I've become the sidekick to a hot, evil, and mentally unstable woman! But as they say, what really matters isn't on the inside, because it's the outside appearance that you use to trick people."

Hollyleaf stared at the ex-clown and a large smile slowly cracked her face. "I've never heard that before…"

"Well, you wouldn't, because I just made that up, hotshot."

"My_ name_ is _Hollyleaf_."

"Holly Leaf? That is one wei-" the ex-clown managed to turn what he was about to say into a cacking cough as Hollyleaf narrowed her eyebrows in a way that scared him. "So, how about I call you Holly?"

"Fine by me."

"And do we need to use a car?"

"No," Holly pointed out the store window to something across the street. "We are going to use those."

The ex-clown looked out towards the parking lot across the street. It was a rental place...

"Do you know how to drive a motorcycle?"

* * *

That's all, folks! That was much more than 3000 words, almost 4000, so be happy. Sorry that I couldn't get to the car-surfing this chapter, but I have to have _some_ limits!

Are you wondering how I wrote this all if I am sitting in a hospital waiting room? Well, I found an internet cafe and am now writing this with Dustpelt blowing soda bubbles out of his nose and Brightheart and Cloudtail having a banana-eating contest. Brightheart has eaten fourteen so far, Cloudtail ten, but he says she's a cheater because she can eat faster with one eye. The beautiful logic of an illogical mind...

They tried to figure out what the prophecy meant, and in the end came up with this; Mousefur will flirt with Firestar... And that's how far they got. I realized that cats, even if they magically become humans, are still not the brightest bulbs.

Ferncloud is still giving birth. Just a moment ago two identical nurses came up to Dustpelt.

"Sir," they said.

"We've got some news!" one of them said.

"It seems you and your wife didn't check," the other started.

"If it was a girl or a boy..."

"And it turns out that..."

"You've going to have..."

"_Two_ of _each_!"

There was a pause, then they both nervously spoke at the same time, as if they were afraid Dustpelt would face-plant into his pizza with shock.

"Surprise...?"

He nodded calmly. "We've had_ three _before, so four isn't _that_ bad..."


End file.
